This post has been bouncing around in my mind for literally months. I have been very apprehensive to put ‘pen to paper’, for lots of reasons as I’m sure you’ll soon realise. But reading this article last week, sharing it on She Sows Seeds Facebook page and seeing a discussion opening up, has cemented in my mind that I would like to at least continue the discussion here. I debated whether to preface this post with the following, I’d like to not have to say all of this as I’d hope it would be obvious…but here it is anyway:
I KNOW that I am lucky. I KNOW I may be in the minority. I KNOW I may/will be eating my words with a ‘terrible’ toddler/teenager. I KNOW that I only have the one child at the moment. I KNOW that I am incredibly lucky to be able to stay at home for the majority of my time with Eleanor, and that I have family help close by. I know all of this. But I can only speak from my own personal Mothering experience. My own. That’s all any Mothers can do. So, this is simply my own story, on my own terms, on my own platform – my blog. Right? Cool…
[line]
If I had a dollar for every time somebody asked me in the past 12 months “Is she a good baby?” well, I’d probably be writing this from my yacht in the Maldives. A good baby?ย A good baby?ย What a funny question. Of course she’s a good baby. All babies are good. All babies are full of delicious, sweet, happy goodness. Every. Single. One. What do people want me to say? “Oh no, she’s aย terrible baby! Can you please tell me where I return her?” There is no such thing as ‘a bad baby’, just as there is no such thing as ‘a good baby’. Babies are different from each other, yes. But gosh, wouldn’t it be a terribly boring world if all our babes were the same? All our Mothering experiences were the same? Can you imagine? Yawn.
Which brings me to my revelation – my shocking confession which I have been too ashamed to even dare to utter…
I do not find being a Mother hard.
I said it. Phew. Cue the orchestral cymbals and ‘da da DAAAA’ sound effect. And the death stares. And the looks of horror from other Mothers, aghast and confronted by me and my Truth. How dare I! It has become pretty apparent to me, on social media, in the mummy-blogosphere, in every day real life, that apparently I am meant to be tearing my hair out, rocking slowly in a corner, on the brink of divorce with my husband and crying at least every 20 minutes about the disaster that is Mothering. And if I’m not in that state, well I’m doing it all wrong.
Bullocks. To. That.
The glorification of the Mothering struggle has been irking me for awhile. Everywhere you turn there will be a blogger, a social media mum, a friend on Facebook, spouting that this gig is hard. Really hard. And yes, it is…for some. For others, like myself, they don’t find it overly ‘hard’. Do I find it challenging at times? Frustrating at times? Tiring at times? Yes, yes, yes. Monotonous? Yes. But soul destroyingly difficult? No. I absolutely 100% acknowledge that some (most?) Mothers would identify with their roles as ‘hard’. And that’s ok. But it’s also ok to not identify with that ‘struggle’. There seems to be endless topics of conversation happening for those in the ‘this is bloody hard’ camp, and I agree that these are the Mothers who need the most support, the encouragement, I get that, I really do. As a Mother in this other camp, the ‘I-think-I’ve-actually-got-this’ camp, I might not need as much support, but I still need other like-minded parents to identify with. Everywhere I turn there seems to be a parenting pity party taking place, and I don’t have an invite.
It is a concept I have struggled with a lot over the past year. Sure, every Mother will tell you that they love their children, they love their role as Mother, it’s the best job in the world, yadda yadda yadda. But to say that it’s ‘not hard’? Well, the fear I’ve felt of mummy-persecution has been a weighing on me heavily. I’ve felt guilty, so guilty, that I was finding this babyland my natural habitat. I seemed to have discovered this strange paradoxical world, a new form of ‘mummy shame’.
A whole new variety of ‘mummy isolation’ was happening for me as I looked around my mama village and didn’t identify with much at all. I would nod along about sleepless nights and screaming sessions and mastitis horror stories, all the while I had (have!) a baby who was sleeping often from 7pm-8.30am, was so quiet when she did wake up that I struggled to hear her and I seemed to be able to breastfeed like some sort of Olympic sport.
Let me say this again: I know I am lucky. I count my blessings a thousand times a day. But, not being able to identify with this doom-and-gloom of Motherhood has been a curly one to get my head around. What a funny place to find yourself.
Another thing that has happened recently, and got me thinking about this whole business of how I find Mothering, has been the birth of a few babies dotted about the blogosphere. Namely Beth’s little Maggie over at Babymac. I am a regular reader and commenter over there…but since the post-birth posts about anxiety, post-natal depression, mastitis…I haven’t commented. I have sat on my hands. I have felt like a mummy island adrift from all these other Mother’s nodding along about the anxiety with a newborn. I never had that. I don’t understand it. And that’s great, I know that. But for me? It’s hard to join a conversation when I have no concept of the topic at hand.
My fantabulous mother-in-law told me on the day we left hospital with our baby blossom and brought her home to our cosy farmhouse: “There’s no such thing as a contented baby, only a contented Mother.” In my post-birth hazy fog brain I was so confused by this. But it soon clicked. Boy, did it click. I now often tell new Mothers this, or mums on their second or third round. I often hear about mum’s (like Beth) and how ‘different’ it is for their second/third/fourth baby compared to their first. And honestly? I sit back and think…but that’s what it was like for me with Eleanor, my first. Huh. How will it be different for me with subsequent children? I just had a whole lot of round-peg-square-whole type stuff going on.
My other giant bug-bear is how all this doom-and-gloom glorification is affecting woman, many of my friends, who are yet to become Mothers. I’ve had heartfelt conversations with two of my friends recently, slowly but surely paving their own roads towards Motherhood, and the fear in them of the task at hand made me so sad. And it was all influenced by the constant chatter ‘out there’ in the internet ether about how hard it was, the horror stories, that you will never sleep again, that you will need a straight jacket, a bottle of gin nearby and your life will. be. OVER! Give me strength… I got up on my soapbox (I seem to be good at that on this topic at the moment!) and gave them a good dressing down. The notion that these yet-to-be-Mothers were so frozen by fear to take the next step just made me…sad. So sad. I remember early on in my local mum’s group (which I have found awesome by the way) my now good friend Jen leaned across to me at our coffee date, our sleepy newborns in our arms and whispered: “Everyone tells you the horror stories…but…it’s just the best”.
So, as I’m about to hit publish on this post…the apprehension still bubbles. The fear of speaking my Mothering Truth. But that’s just what it is: Truth. And it’s mine. Nobody elses. Judge me, shame me, tisk-tisk from afar, roll your eyes or curse me a thousand times. I simply can’t sit here and share my Mothering journey, as I do in my role as a blogger/oversharer, and not have it speak honesty. Raw and real and confronting as it may be.
Now, once you’ve slammed your laptop shut and grumbled into your bucket of strong coffee, please refer back to my preface. But…there it is. The truth. My truth. Phew.
Belinda says
Oh Emma I love this post, it’s like you said what I was trying to say – but better (& probably nicer!)
You write beautifully and this whole post I was nodding head.
Motherhood truly needs more good press and I’m determined to encourage more women to proudly enjoy it. It makes me sad that it’s more acceptable to hate it than love it!
-B.
Emma @ asimplelivingjourney says
I love that you have settled into motherhood so beautifully!!
I was talking to a young man at the check out and he asked what play group was like, I replied “messy and noisy, but we have fun!” He was amazed, and he said he had NEVER heard someone say motherhood was ENJOYABLE.
My heart ached for this boy, I nearly cried.
I have had mastitis, with my first baby. ALOT, PND, and I DO have those days where it all seems too much. But I LOVE motherhood, it fills me with joy! We do have FUN. In what other job could I have a PJ’s day? Bake chocolate cake for the fun, with extra icing (just for the sake, so everyone can have a spoon to lick!)
But even then, at the end of the day, I simply count my blessings, on the good days and the challenging. I think that’s what it comes down to for me. After everything is done, to look back and see the best, the love. ๐
xx
Mrs M says
Sometimes I felt like it was a crime that I didnt feel the pain! lol. Don’t get me wrong I’ve had crap days. But for the most part it’s not been that difficult.
Although you’re right, the more you have the older they get the more challenging it is.
And mine were all good sleepers, I think that makes and breaks it for many.
Louise says
Well written and well said! Now let’s go find a cosy cafe with a view where they’ll let us crochet and talk about nice stuff and slurp cappuccinos from big mugs with extra cocoa. Apparently there’s a good one in East Keilor that also sells yarn….
Rosie says
As always, I love your beautifully written post and your honesty. I’m struggling to come up with a clear and concise comment, but felt like I needed to respond. I definitely felt the same as you after the first year, and Otis was an absolute dream baby. After such a horrific fertility/pregnancy journey, and a less than desirable birth, I thoroughly enjoyed my easy baby boy. A second horrific pregnancy, more traumatic birth and the challenges that came with a toddler definitely made for a more difficult second year, and, well, Felix has just been a much more ‘normal’ baby…unsettled, less predictable, more difficult. I often comment to people that I had my easy second child first, and my difficult first born second, and there have been many many times with Felix where I have felt like a clueless, struggling first time mum…and therefore learnt where a lot of those ‘horror stories’ come from. However…to most people who know me IRL, my kids are still considered ‘easy’. I recently went away with some other Mums with similar aged kids, and was dismissed on a number of occasions because my kids are ‘easy’, and therefore I wouldn’t understand…it was really really awful and very upsetting, and I can definitely relate to struggling to find your place as a ‘I think I got this’ Mum – my mothers group is large, and had lots of rough stories, and I often just had to step away, or not participate in certain conversations, because I didn’t understand, or have anything to offer, because I just hadn’t been there. I do relate much better now! And yes, I find motherhood very hard, I’m honest about that (mostly on IG), because I need the support, and also because I think it’s important to share both sides. We have beautiful moments, which I love to share, and some not so beautiful moments, which I also share, because they are part of my life.
Amy Paul says
The beauty of motherhood certainly is cause for celebration! The very first day I met you, I knew you were an excellent mother. It was already in you years before you were pregnant! Of course we all have down times, but these children just bring so much JOY! Celebration of joy in parenting is beautiful. I loved reading the comment above about teenagers being fun… Yes, I think it would behoove me to put that out there in the universe prior to that happening with my four! xx
tash says
I love being a mum and I love reading posts like this. It is a breathe of fresh air in-between all the whinging and whining! We all have our own individual stories of motherhood and I think that is what makes it all so wonderful. I think we also need to help the mums who aren’t enjoying it to see the blessing in the every day! We have so much to be thankful for in this beautiful land of ours.
x
Elisha says
Yes, Yes and Yes!! Sometimes reading through other blogs and stories, I sometimes find myself rolling my eyes at it all. (I know that sounds terrible) Except for the PND stuff- I can’t relate and I give you all a high 5) Mastitis is not good, no and Ive had it twice. Episiotomies, no and I’ve had 2, sleepless nights, no I haven’t had a full nights sleep in 4 years, 3 kids under 3 with gastro, no it it is the worst. Its all part and parcel of this gig of motherhood and I find I just do it because you have to and I never over analyse it. Its just how it is here with me. Im no pro but I dont find it hard AT ALL on the whole. I am a very relaxed person I have been told and that may play a part in it all and of course if I had to break it down in parts then yes there are shit times and moments but on the whole I am blessed and its never a chore, its LOVE!! I am so blessed. I want more and more. What a brilliant post Emma!!
Alex says
Hi Emma, I enjoy your Insta feed. As a mum of three- the youngest, Maggie, being just shy of ten weeks I read this with interest. I love motherhood and know it’s a more meaningful and rewarding experience for me compared to my childless self. But I wouldn’t be doing myself any favours if I said it had been easy every day or even enjoyable 100 % of the time. My oldest is nearly 8, and I honestly still love the mothering gig. But it’s wearing, frustrating, tiring and has brought me to my knees. I’ve found the anxiety creeping in this time too; the inability to recover from birth with two other busy, school age children and their additional complexities and demands brings a different dimension.
amanda says
No doubt you have read the article Jacinta Tynan wrote on Mamamia last year (or so) where she too claimed that motherhood was not hard (google it if you haven’t). She copped a backlash as big as any Mamamia had ever seen. The poor thing. Who would have thought people were so tetchy about it???
Caryn says
Yes, yes, yes. I am so glad to hear I’m not the only one. I love being a mom, I wouldn’t change a thing. Of course, there are days (and nights!) that are difficult, but it is all part of it. When I was pregnant my husband and I would get so frustrated with the people wo told us “your life is going to change; say goodbye to your social life; etc” – of course it was going to change, that’s what we wanted! Even now that she is 9 months old, the “just you wait” brigade are still so happy to tell us how it’s going to get so much harder, but now I know for sure it’s nonsense. Maybe for them it was, but not for me. It is so good to hear f others who feel the same. I feel like I have finally found my full role, being a mom makes me whole.
Thanks for writing this Emma, it’s something I have thought about writing but have feared the backlash and judgement. I wish no one needed to feel judged by another.
Jodi says
Oh Emma, grand post! There’s so much I have to say and so little spare time so excuse me if this is a little disjointed.
Firstly, yes, the horror of motherhood that is shared on every social media channel irks me, too. I’ve never enjoyed reading about it, hence I’ve never been the blogger to air all my dirty laundry/complain. However, I think I do, in a gentle, honest way, explain that sometimes, motherhood is a challenge. I feel this is my truth and it’s always felt good to share it.
Secondly, Che was much like E….what I like to call a “settled” baby. He rarely cried, always slept well, had a 3-hour day sleep till 3-years-old and would always be quite happy to sit and read books for up to 2 hours at a time. And then Poet came along….and D and I wondered what on earth was going on. She rocked our parenthood world and we then understood that Che was Che and Poet was Poet and in no way was our parenthood experience going to be the same again.
Thirdly, I am currently writing a post about all the horror stories surrounding the third baby. May I add that there are hardly any good stories out there. It’s probably too early for me to publish the post but 14 weeks in I’m happy to say that actually, it’s quite marvellous! Of course it’s busy, of course the witching hours can be a struggle, of course I’m tired but overall, I love it!
But let’s acknowledge the fact that we all have our own mothering experiences and every single one is valid. Collectively the horror stories really can gain momentum and make for an unrealistic pack mentality but ultimately, each story is valid.
xxx
Lauren says
Hi Emma
I know exactly how you feel. I was scared and apprehensive leading up to my babies birth because everyone was telling me about how my life was going to change, there would be no sleep, social life, our lives would have to fit around the baby, and not the other way around.
Then once I had my baby, after a traumatic labour before finally having a c-section, everyone continued to tell me about when I should feed the baby, put cream on my nipples, sleep, eat, etc! It made me feel like a child, and not the woman I was/am. I also had my mother-in-law continually tell me to watch for three day baby blues that would reduce me to a blubbering mess because that’s what happened to new mums…….. Well not me. I was living in fear, waiting for the dreaded baby blues to hit….and they didn’t! I was even asking the midwife when to expect it. Their view was that not every single new mum got it! And so I found out that I was NORMAL!!! Shock horror, I know!
From then on, when people offered me their views, I just nodded my head and quickly moved onto the next topic. Being a mum has taught me, that I am my OWN person and that I’VE GOT THIS and that I will raise my baby as I see fit and the fact she sleeps well, eats well, is a happy and cheery little character is a indication that I’m doing a great job. I find being a mum rewarding, fun and dare I say it…… Relatively Easy. As you say, I know there will be times of no sleep, heartache and so on but that’s what being a mummy is about!
Maxabella says
I don’t think of it as being hard or not hard. It has hard times, there is no doubt about it, but the rewards are too immense to suggest that it’s not a delight. I’ve always fundamentally enjoyed mothering, but I came at it with a very difficult first baby – not a ‘bad’ baby, never that, but not an especially ‘good’ one either – so at that time my opinion would not have been the same as the one you express here. It was a very ‘hard’ time in my life, but it all evens out in the end. I don’t buy into the idea that every mother think mothering is a struggle but most mothers think mothering is a struggle some of the time. x
Maxabella says
PS – it’s such a sign of the times that you found it so hard to hit publish on this one and then had to preface it with so many caveats! Gosh, we are our own worst enemies, aren’t we? x
Erin says
Yes, yes, yes!! Twenty one years ago we were blessed with out first, and I loved motherhood! Mamas supported one another, fast forward over a decade and I remember noticing about 6 years ago (could have been happening before then) a ‘trend’ to focus on how ‘hard mothering is’, sure it is, at times, but not all the time. Your m-i-l’s words are spot on, it’s mama who sets the emotion, mama’s happy, everyone is happy. We’ve been blessed with 10 children over 20 years, so I’m still in babyland, and all the lands in between, and I can still honestly say, I don’t understand why there is such a focus on how hard it is, I love mothering I really do. It has it’s challenges but by golly I’m a much better person for being a mother. And to your friends who are nervous about having children, I just want to give them a hug of encouragement and assure them mothering will be the greatest and most privileged role of their lives.
Helen says
I think it’s lovely Eleanor is such a lovely, happy, contented baby – and that you are a happy and contented mum ๐ I have to say, my first baby was wonderful; it wasn’t until I had my second that post natal depression hit, and hit hard. And he was a better sleeper than the first! I think that there are so many discussions of “the hard bits” out there because, for SO long, women were expected to be all rosy happy staying home with their babies and there was really no support if you wanted to break out of the mould and admit that, actually, this was quite difficult. I think that women were just so relieved that they had a forum to speak about parenting honestly, the difficult bits included, that it has become an overwhelming narrative. There is still a lot of pressure out there on women to be “the perfect parent”, so if you can turn to the Internet and have a bit of a whine about things once in a while – well, why not. But women shouldn’t feel bad for loving the place they are in right at this moment with their kids. I think what we need is a bit more balance – because isn’t that the essence of this parenting gig anyway? Balance. Good times and bad times, easy times and difficult times. All we can do is enjoy the moment!
Gwylfa Moore says
Thank you for sharing your truth, I always enjoy reading your blog, especially your experiences of motherhood. I loved and enjoyed our daughters babyhood, it is so lovely to hear others peoples positive stories.
Jo @Countrylifeexperiment says
I sometimes wonder when did motherhood become competitive? When did it become who is doing it toughest? Why are mothers constantly feeling judged because their experiences are different from those around them? For my part, I have had moments when motherhood has been hard (such as when dealing with hard situations e.g. one of them being bullied), but I have also had times when it felt like the easiest, most natural thing in the world. I don’t think it has to be hard, and I don’t think that it should always be hard. Children are meant to be a blessing, and I remind myself of this often.
Paula says
Well said, Emma. My experiences of mothering were quite different (including disabilities); however, that in no way discounts your’s with that scrumptious Eleanor. Very neatly expressed.
Krystal says
I admit, I’ve been finding things hard. Things have not come naturally, my feelings have not come naturally and this came as a shock to me. Thankyou for reminding me to find the joy in the small things and giving me faith that things will become easier.
On a serious note, if little blossom is sleeping all night, how are you managing the breast feeding? Are you getting up to pump? I am exclusively breast feeding. She’s decided to go 8 hours a couple of times now and I’m scared I’m losing my supply, she’s not a big feeder. Interested to know what you do. My girl is 10weeks
Prue says
Hi Krystal, my little girl started sleeping a longer stretch around the same time as yours. I didn’t get up to pump and my supply adjusted. I have plenty during the day and am no longer uncomfortable at night. It didn’t take long at all for things to adjust.
I didn’t just naturally fall into mothering either x
Elisha says
Yup, what Prue said…You will be amazed at how your boobs and baby get in sync!!
Brooke says
A refreshing and reassuring read for an overdue first time mum the night before induction!!
Liz says
Good on you Emma! I love your blog (and Insta feed). I have four children and after having three gorgeous boys all off at school and my friends moving on from baby-land; it has been a bit of a lonely time with my darling baby girl who is six months older than your beautiful Eleanor. I feel like I am in your mothers club when I read your open and joyful blog and I just wanted to say thanks for being so generous with your story. Thanks for your alternative voice; in a busy day I find it so much more rewarding to read than a litany of First World Problems!
Jessica says
I hear you 100%.
So many times since I had my first child almost 3 years ago I/we have felt ALONE in my/our experience of motherhood not being that hard and awful. And when I did have a hard patch, nobody would listen but would start in with “Oh you poor thing with your baby sleeping all night and not crying”. Now I have 2 kids and I still feel like this. Thank you for showing I’m not alone!
How sad is it that the dominant discourse around motherhood is negative! By all means support those who need help and feel free to speak out about hardships but why don’t more people share the JOY in motherhood (and life in general).
Meg says
MEEEEEE TOOOOO!
I can relate to everything you have written! I also feel like Mothers who did do it tough are a bit put out when you’re doing ok. Then others have mentioned that my lil 7 month baby boy is cruzy because I’m calm….might be something in that!
Love being a Mum!
deb says
Great topic! I love this gorgeous blog. I feel it’s important to support the mums out there who are having a bad day, a bad week or a ba year (!) but it’s a bit like we have ‘over corrected’ and that’s that dominant voice at the moment. I have a 9 month old … My motherhood experience is short, but so far I love it. I never share the bad days in social media but neither do I rave about the great, lest either create the wrong impression. I too was worried about what motherhood would bring because all I ever saw and read was how difficult it was… another example is that I had never heard a single positive breast feeding experience… I bought bottles before the baby was born expecting to meet hurdles. Imagine my surprise when we had a dream run (ok mastitis x 2 but good otherwise)… But it turned out lots of my friends DID have wonderful BF experiences – they just didn’t talk about it. I won’t lie though, sometimes I long for a mother to help me out, a sister to join me for shopping trips or to call on, and in general extra supports that many of my friends have had. But our mothers had it much tougher and they did it all with less. Maybe the key is our expectations before coming home with baby? We’re often older and enjoy so many more freedoms in our lives than ever before prior to having babies. Is that it?
Sarah says
Great post Emma. I think it is a shame that you were concerned about publishing this post. Whilst I love social media I do get concerned that it gets a little whingy and judgmental sometimes.
I love motherhood. I cannot say that it came easily to me with my first but I love it. Number 2 was easier for me which is ironic because he has health issues
Someone said to me recently that they were surprised that I wasn’t a more anxious mother since I didn’t have kids until I was 39. He had a theory that the older you are the more stressed you are as a mother. I call bullocks to that!!
Thanks for your blog and congrats on the kidspot nomination
Donna says
It’s not hard it’s a joy.
Jane says
What a lovely reflection on your motherhood journey thus far. I also didn’t find mothering my first born daughter hard or difficult – sometimes tiring but the most rewarding thing that has ever happened to me. Eloise was an angel baby, good feeder, content, placid – she did have a few sleep issues but in the big picture nothing at all. The arrival of her twin brothers less than two years later tested my parenting skills but they were even more placid and content than the bigger sister. I was tireder and there were days when I needed a bit of help but still never that feeling of despair. Motherhood has been the most important job I have ever done and combining it with part time teaching I feel very blessed. Enjoy your precious girl and embrace your love of motherhood!
Prue Cowley says
You know my thoughts on this from the FB discussion but thought I would chuck in a comment here too. Honestly, the adjustment to motherhood was HARD for me. I was firstly terrified by all the horror stories I’d heard and secondly suffered shocking baby blues for the first three weeks. I felt envious of anyone who was further ahead in their parenting journey. I felt envious of my sister in SA who was 2.5 hours further through the day than me! True story.
That was hard. But it was hormones. Now, a couple of months later, motherhood is by turns boring, stressful, hilarious, blissful and sometimes exhausting. Like we discussed on FB, it’s no one thing. Nothing in life is! We get such a one sided view of motherhood online and it’s no wonder we’re all terrified to become mothers.
Prue Cowley says
Forgot to mention, for those who are frightened by all the horror stories, I highly recommend this post on Mogantosh: http://mogantosh.com/a-letter-to-the-pregnants-dont-panic/. You can also see my highly emotional comment when I was two weeks post partum!
Liz says
Emma. I’ve found myself in the same situation as you. I know it can be tough (I’d say the first 4 weeks were the worst) and as a social worker I’ve seen what happens when mums hit total rock bottom. Having support, an educating, a stable home and finances, a loving partner – and faith – all contributes to the wonderful situation you (read: we) find yourself in. But how nice is it to hear the good stuff celebrated. My kid is the. Absolute. Best. She’s the same age as Eleanor. She’s bright and gorgeous and hilarious. A total crack up. And I say my thanks for her every single day. Keep on sharing your truth.
Jessicca says
Thankyou. Thankyou for writing this. I could’ve written most of this myself it was so relevant. Ugh. I can’t even express how many times I’ve said all this to my husband. How I often feel bad or awkward because I can’t relate or don’t know how to reply to mums who are doing it so tough. This had me smiling and nodding the entire read.
Jane says
Me too!
beth says
I think it’s ok not to relate and I don’t think you should feel bad either. You don’t have to know how to reply – I think most mums are just looking for someone to listen and be kind.
Vanessa says
Love your blog Emma and like others don’t often comment. Thank you for your honesty. I truly believe everyone has different mothering experiences as all children are different. I am not one to compare my mothering to others. I have five kids ranging in age from 19 down to 3 years of age. It is now definitely more challenging with teenagers than when they were babies. I wouldn’t say it was hard but life as you know it changes as they get older. With 5 different personalities life is never dull or boring! I love being their Mum and wouldn’t change it for the world. Keep doing what your doing and yes your next baby may be different but you will still be the great mother you are now. Life is short and before you know they start moving out of home!
Kim says
Wonderful. Joyful motherhood needs a bit more good press.
My last of 6 children is almost 15 and I had the sleepless nights and horror mastitis but then and now it’s grand! The baby stage was great, the teenage stage is a joy.
Sally Cameron says
Thanks for writing this, Emma. I can understand your apprehension! Like Paula, I’m also in the ‘not yet a mother and rather terrified’ camp! The horror stories certainly don’t help matters, so it’s lovely to hear a different experience and perspective. I think you’ve struck a wonderful balance in this post – sharing your truth but still supporting those who are struggling. Love the photo too – Eleanor is such a cutie ๐
Leah says
AMEN SISTA!
I had a shit awful time with my first… many a complication and I was hell.to.the.floor scared about what this second baby would bring me.. but you know what! She is EASY! She feeds… she sleeps (13 weeks and we had our first through the night sleep last night!) but you know what… I wouldn’t change my 1st experience for anything.. she made me the mother I am today… but the 2nd – she is delightful!
I could name 5 mothers who aren’t going back for the second baby because their firsts were horrible… but what would it be like to not experience that love and devotion again?
xoxoxoxox
Belinda says
Great post Emma, and beautifully put. Looking forward to motherhood, and stories like this are what help keep that hope shining xo
Shannon says
I am so with you. I love being a mum. Despite some experience with mastitis, anaphylaxis, teething, I have not found it hard. I am sick of people telling me how hard it must be for me to ‘sacrifice’ things in my life (to manage anaphylactic allergies). I don’t see any part of being a mother or mothering a sacrifice. I find it a privilege and will gladly keep mothering in a way to ensure my little 14 month old love lives a long happy healthy life. And to the people that told me I had a ‘bad baby’ because he wanted to feed more often than 4 hourly at times, well, they’re not a part of my mothering journey anymore so enough said! Thanks for putting it out there!
Paula says
Thank you for this post! I’m a regular reader but I hardly ever (read: never) comment.
I guess you could say I’m in the ‘on the road to motherhood’ camp and it is really deflating to be surrounded by all the scary stories and ‘end of life as you know it’ conversations. I often tell myself I’ll be so prepared for all the ‘bad stuff’ I probably be really surprised/overwhelmed by all the good ๐ So thank you for you these words x
Reannon @shewhorambles says
I think it’s great that you’ve started your motherhood journey in such a great way. I don’t think it’s something that you need to shy away from. Finding contentment in motherhood is wonderful.
I’m a mum of four, spanning 15 years old to 1 year old. Do I find motherhood hard? Yes. Especially when my husband was working a 4:1 fifo job & no family around to help. But was I content? Yes. In the hazy days of two babies who didn’t sleep while running around after teenagers I still could feel how happy I was & how lucky I felt to have the life I do.
I guess sharing the hard things brings us together. When we can tell our friends/families/blogs/social media accounts that things are really tough & have someone give us a squeeze it helps ease the heaviness of it all. It’s the same when we share the joy, it amplifies it because we have everyone around us feeling the love too.
Never feel bad because you find your role as mum easy. It’s a roller-coaster for me most days. one minute laughing & having fun, the next minute I’ve got two screaming toddlers on my hands or teenagers having a hormonal melt down. The good, the bad, the hard & the easy it’s all part & parcel of my days.
B says
Hey Emma,
Long time reader first time commenter (I think?)…
Thank you! I am in the same boat as your mum-to-be friends… My husband and I are getting to the stage where we’re thinking about kids (well, he’s ready and I’m paralised with fear)… I definitely need to hear more of the good stories. And not just the “Oh but I love her anyway” good stories, because everyone seems to tack that on as an afterthough to the horror stories… but the genuinely good stories, like yours. I keep thinking that if it’s really as bad as society (as the internet!!) makes out then why $%&* are people still having children!? Why are these women doing it to themselves!?
So thank you for telling your mothering truth! I realise that when the time comes I might be one of the horror stories… but I can at least hope for the best now that I know there’s the option!
Sam says
Emma, I have been reading your blog for years and have never ‘commented’ on a post. I have so enjoyed following your beautiful journey after discovering your blog when you were travelling around Australia on your honeymoon. I am an expectant first time mother and have read nothing but horror stories and ‘this is the end of your life as you know it’. What a beautiful read that was and a breathe of fresh air. Thank you for sharing, and I only hope i find the experience as beautiful as you! Sam x