Dear Eleanor… Two Months

Like many other bloggers, I will be writing a ‘letter’ to my daughter Eleanor here on my blog – if nothing else to try and remember this time together, most of our days just her and I, and document these early days of mamahood and Eleanor’s life before they slip right through my memory altogether!

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Dear Eleanor,

Two months ago a very chubby, warm, covered in vernix, squishy little human was placed on my chest and I became your mama. Two months ago I met my daughter – that’s you! I still can’t believe I have a daughter, but there you are, smiling up at me every time you wake up in your bassinet. You are such a placid, happy, chubby little thing. Or not so little. Daddy likes to call you a ‘hippo’. You smile at him a lot when he tickles your chin – your first chin he says, as opposed to your other chins that follow in your chubby folds!

The early days of mamahood were not as I thought…they were easier than I imagined, mainly due to you and your beautiful nature. But when you were born and I held you for that first time, I thought I would know you – really know you. But of course I didn’t, we have to get to know each other. That has surprised me, although you grew inside me, although you are a product of your Daddy and I, you are still a whole other little person. It seems so obvious and silly (of course you are!) but that is what has surprised me most – getting to know you, really know you. And now? I think we know each other quite well, but so much more to know! I can’t wait.

Most mornings you are still asleep when Daddy goes off to work, in your bassinet in the lounge room where you only just still fit. He eats breakfast next to you, kisses your soft chubby cheek while you sleep, stocks our firewood supply and heads out the door. At night you are getting so good at sleeping and settling yourself again, my little champion sleeper! About two weeks ago you slept through the night once! But only once, you haven’t done that again. And that’s ok. I very much missed our 3am feed anyway, you’re much too little to be giving that up! I hear your little waking noises, it’s almost exactly 3am on the dot usually, I pad out to the lounge, open the fire up and turn the fan on, pick you up out of your bassinet and kiss your soft little downy head. I try not to chat to you or even look into those deep blue eyes of yours at night time, but gosh it’s hard Blossom! You feed quietly and efficiently in our night time sessions. I might change your nappy in your room in the dim light of your bunny nightlight, back to your bassinet and back to bed for me. You gurgle away to yourself for half an hour, sometimes ending in a quiet cry and me needing to get up to put your dummy in, pat your soft little head again, but sometimes you’ll just drift off to sleep by yourself. During the day you sometimes need to concentrate to feed, there’s so much to see and do in this bright new world! You look at me a lot, you can’t smile and feed at the same time silly, you get milk everywhere!

You love going in the car, it sends you straight to sleep, you do not like traffic lights when we have to stop! The pram is the same story, in your capsule I push you around the shops and you sleep peacefully. Lately you have been more awake in your pram though, looking out at the world, or more at me I suppose. You are rarely sad when you are awake, just happy to ‘be’ – looking and learning about all these shapes and colours and lights around you. At home after you are fed I either put you in your swing to watch me go about the house, or on the floor on your special crocheted rug under your play gym. You love to look at the dangly bits and bobs, you’ve started looking at ‘something’ above your change table, we must get you a mobile to hang there. When you get tired I wrap you up nice and snug, I don’t usually rock you to sleep as you don’t seem to need it. We have just started using our wrap carrier which you seem to like, for that period at 5-7pm when you sometimes just want to be held, or are tired but you just can’t seem to figure out how to go to sleep! It must be hard being so little, there’s so much to learn, but I’m trying to help you learn them.

We love you so much, our little munchkin. We can’t believe you are ours. All ours. So blessed with our baby blossom. People have asked us how different life is now as parents, with a baby in toe – and honestly, not much has changed! You have just slotted in nicely, completing our picture like we just knew you would. We went to chop firewood in the paddock last weekend, something we’ve always done on a Winter’s weekend on the different farms we’ve lived. Now we have you with us too, rugged up in your fuzzy bear suit, sleeping in your pram nearby with your puppies Tessa and Bella snoozing in the sun too. Well I thought you were sleeping, I find you staring up at the floral muslin blanket which I have covered your pram with, you are laughing and gurgling to yourself at all the pretty flowers dancing around your snug cocoon with the sun shining through the fabric. My happy contented baby blossom.

Keep blooming Blossom,
Mama