I’ve just taken a little hiatus, a blogging break, somewhat of a digital detox, for the past few weeks – unfortunately in the wake off some silly commentary online about me, the first I’ve really encountered (although I’m sure it’s been there before, and I get it: writing about your life and family online invites this stuff. I get it). A bit of a reality check nonetheless, sparking a step-back of sorts, re-evaluating what I do here and questioning why I do it (and at what cost). I’ve still been around the traps, don’t worry, a few instastories here and double taps there. But in fact…it was just what the doctored ordered: much needed, necessary and really quite nice.
The vortex that is social media has been sucking me dry. What began as such a positive, happy place (particularly Instagram) of sharing has become sadly hollow and vapid of late…how very depressing. Social media at the best of times can seem a bit narcissistic and insular, let’s not even go to the worst of times. The constant chatter and scrolling and hamster wheel was exhausting me, and I didn’t even realise it. I was confusing what I thought I ‘needed’ to do, with what I actually wanted to do, and was living in a bit of a pressure cooker – not the best situation considering I’ve got a busy-bee three year old and hurricane of a one year old who just need their mum to be present and grounded. Nothing like two toddlers to ‘ground’ you! Bless their cotton socks.
By stepping back and re-assessing my actions and purpose…well, it’s all the clearer now what it is I want from my online space, how I can contribute to virtual communities and conversations (sometimes you just can’t see the forest for the trees…hindsight offers such perspective). So instead of being depressed about it all (as you can easily get about social media and blogging and trolls and doom and gloom and blah blah blah) – I’ve decided that I just need to simplify, simplify, simplify. At the end of each day when I was usually organising my posts, my hashtags, my engagement, my statistics…I didn’t. And breathed instead. And pondered…
There’s just so much noise out there – do I want to add to it? There’s about 800 million active Instagram users.
Yup.
What do I want to contribute? If I do add to the noise, who is it valuing? Who am I serving? For what purpose? So, if it’s not contributing something useful or of purpose, or sparking joy to either myself or someone else who I actually give two hoots about: well then it doesn’t need to happen.
And that’s ok.
The saying: “If you propose to speak, always ask yourself: is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?” Rang in my ears and mind for the past two weeks.
Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?
What a strange old game blogging is…particularly ‘personal’ blogging. The tag ‘mummy blogger’ has never sat particularly well with me, I was blogging for a long time before I was a mother. It seems to come with a lot of ‘keeping up with the Joneses’, this ‘mummy blogging’ business (and let me assure you, it is a business!) which just doesn’t gel with my ethos at all. With that in mind, I want to get back to my ‘roots’ of when I started tap tap tapping away in the dark ages of 2008…pottering about our little cottage, farmy stuff, garden goodness, creative bits and bobs. Simple stuff.
The irony of ‘simple country living’ in a fairly fast paced hectic social media whirlwind is not lost on me. Time to practice what I preach. Not that I haven’t been, just a little wake up call to return to what I know, and what I do best, was timely and well intentioned. Husband dearest, in all his wisdom, pointed me in the direction of the ex-Nokia CEO’s speech to his employees (on the companies acquisition by Microsoft): “we didn’t do anything wrong…but somehow we lost.” Doing your core business well is important. But doing that whilst evolving is even more important.
I can honestly say I don’t give a flying fig how many Instagram followers I have or page views per month…I probably should, but as soon as I get focused on that stuff, it all turns very south, very quickly. It’s transparent and feeble and tedious and insipid. All the things that, to me? Suck the big ones! Blergh. So, it’s head down bum up, doing what I know and love, and when I do that everything else seems to fall into place. As a blogger you seem to always be give give giving of yourself, it can be really emotionally exhausting – but of course it’s all of our own doing. And I needed to remind myself that this is my space, my way, take or leave it, love it or lump it. If I wanted to take a step back, well then I would! Did the world stop turning and implode? Um, no.
There is a whole lot of things that I don’t blog about, and never would, and one day I can see that I won’t blog about or post pictures on the internet of my children. But for now that is a choice I’ve made…which I am ok with, after some reflection…yep, whole heartedly I’m all good with it. But I’d love to know how other bloggers have wrestled with that one? Because I’m sure you all have! Right?! Some of our family and friends don’t ever put their children’s faces or names on the internet, and I guess look at what I do like I have two heads (ha!) But honestly? Absolutely all power to them, I have so much respect for that. It’s a jungle out there… This little break away from my everyday ‘normal’ has had me re-assessing the enormous role I have in front of me: raising two kind and thoughtful humans. My most important job and always my priority.
So, whilst I’ve put the phone down, I’ve picked up cook books. I’ve read magazines that were sitting on my bedside table for months, and opened the book my husband gave me for Christmas (Paul Bangay’s ‘Country Gardens’), I’ve made new batches of play dough and made toilet roll binoculars. I’ve dug deep in the garden and turned the compost heap. I’ve steam mopped the floors and ironed my husbands shirts. I’ve visited my mum in hospital. I’ve picked up my crochet hooks for the first time in a really long time (I’ve missed simple crafts). I’ve enjoyed a girls night of bubbles and bras with my real life tribe of mama friends. I’ve gone out for dinner with my mum’s group girl gang. I’ve attended a morning tea with other Gippslandian creatives. I’ve actually finished editing client’s work. I’ve listened to the Risen Motherhood podcast (highly recommend episode 86 on self-care in busy motherhood). It was good not to feel pressured that I needed to be chasing my tail all day to create content, hustle, push, reach… I’ve had room to breathe and realised: that should be normal. So I’m going to make it the new normal.
Goodness, that’s all a bit deep for a Monday morning isn’t it?! Mostly, thank you to all of the lovely people who have messaged me on Facebook, emailed me, DM’d me on Instagram, said hello in the street wondering how I was! Those are the reasons I’m still here – you lovely people and the tribe I have created here. For all the things that I didn’t miss about social media, there were lots of things that I did: namely, the people and my community and the engagement that I get everyday from so many people in far away places (or just over the hill!) when I’m simply a stay-at-home-mum taking photos of my wayward toddlers and glorious hydrangeas. But, haters gonna gate, right? The overwhelming majority of people who have told me to just keep swimming, and that what I share and write is of value and purpose to them, has been pretty awesome really. Thank you.
Now? Onwards…
Prue says
Sorry I’m so behind on my blog reading! Well done for taking something so hurtful and turning it into something constructive.
Katie Writes Stuff says
It is so good to read blog posts like this. I feel like I’ve been reading advice on how to blog and learning that everything I’ve been doing is wrong (I don’t really have a niche and I don’t even have google analytics connected to my website)… and I’m sick of it. I just want to write on my blog and enjoy it, so that’s what I’ve started to do again. If we don’t write what we know and love, we’re just going to end up with a whole bunch of blogs that all sound the same, aren’t we? I’m much happier writing my own stories and reading other people’s stories and not wondering if should be worrying about the state of my mailing list. (It’s non-existent at this stage…)
Emma says
Yes – that! Just keep doing what you’re doing, do it for the right reasons and you can’t go wrong. And don’t worry I don’t have a mailing list and google analytics hurts my brain.
Jo @ CountryLifeExperiment says
As my children have got older, I have definitely put less of them online. The cute stories, the never-ending washing and feeding and the long sleepless nights of their early childhood are my story and are the common experiences of all mums everywhere. As they have got older, their stories have become distinctly theirs, and not mine, and I want to give them the freedom to have their own lives without me broadcasting it to the world. The occasional photo still makes it on to the blog, but I try to tell my story rather than theirs. My goodness, it’s a hard balance.
About 18 months ago I started to feel quite burnt out with blogging. I felt that everything I did ended up becoming fodder for a story. I was actively trying to grow my insta and facebook because that was what I was *supposed* to be doing, and I was putting a lot of pressure on myself for no reason (other than my perfectionist tendencies). Working full time, with a family and a farm (and at that time a house renovation) was breaking me, and something had to give. Since then I have stepped back quite a bit – I post every 2-3 weeks now rather than several times a week. Part of me would really like to get back to blogging more consistently (I love the creative process), but I also know myself, and I know I need to take it slow and avoid that overwhelm again. (Ok so this is starting to turn into a blog post 🙂 ) I too am trying to keep that simple country life actually simple – Ha!
I think you’re right when you say there is a lot of noise out there – sometimes it can feel like we are just shouting in the wind and adding to the noise. But whilst ever people want to come and read your blog and gain encouragement, or inspiration, or just a little escape from their own world for 5 minutes, then really you’re not making noise, but whispering to someone’s soul. I know that I always love to pop in and see what’s happening in your garden or your kitchen, or with your kids. I love to have a bloggy friend who understands what life on a farm is actually like.
As you say, onwards…
Emma says
Thank you Jo, always my blogging bestie voice of reason. I hadn’t thought about it like that: the early childhood years being everyone’s story. An excellent way of putting it, because I think this early mothering ‘mummy blogging’ phase is completely relatable, which resonates with so many. Everyone’s in the same boat, paddling hard. I have already felt a little pull back with Eleanor as she gets older, I can see on the horizon where I will pull back further, probably when she starts school. Jodi at Practicing Simplicity has done a beautiful job of this with her children.
The blogging burn out and fatigue is a killer, I completely understand what you mean about doing everything for blogging fodder, this is often me and I really need to check myself. I really need to keep front of mind why I do this, why I love it and for what purpose. And O. M. G. ‘you’re not making noise, but whispering to someone’s soul’. STOP IT. You’ve succinctly just put into words what blogging is for me. Thank you as always xxx
Gwylfa says
Such a great post, I’ve been following along on your blog since you were wedding planning in your little farm house, and have loved the progress as you found your way, and welcomed your girls. Especially as it mirrors our own journey of finding home and building a family.
Keep doing what works for you and yours, and il keep following along.
Emma says
Thank you, what a journey we’ve been on! Can’t wait to see what comes next.
Marian Russell says
I have only been reading your blog for the last 6 months and I find it very refreshing to read. I enjoy the way you write and what you have to say about your life whether it be gardening, kids, cooking etc.
There are always haters out there, that haven’t got anything better to do with their life. Ignore them as they are not worth your time or the worry.
So keep on blogging, as I for one, are sure that there are plenty out there that want to keep reading your blog.
Emma says
Thank you Marian x
Lisa Hayman says
Love this! (and especially love that photo of you and the girls – perfection!) xx
Elisha says
Great to hear you had a nice and such a social break. Lucky you. Internet and kids….hmmmm. I’ve just deleted all my 52 project posts and pics of the kids from most posts on the blog. Now they have started school I would hate for anyone to bring up an old pic one day and use it against them- I know it is highly unlikely but it gnaws at me so I bit the bullet and did it. I’ll still put the odd pic on insta but it’s just to scary the online world now…and being a bit of sharer myself it’s hard! So it’s more farm, flowers and my new collection of earrings filling my feed at the moment!!
Emma says
So hard, but good on you for taking a stance and sticking to it. More farm and flowers and earrings sounds good to me though!
anne@gritandgiggles says
I can’t wait to see what comes next … I do love hearing about your home and gorgeous girls and seeing how your life has evolved since the days I met you on your honeymoon tripping. I followed long before that and I’ll keep on following (sounding very stalker here ?). I love your wholesome country life and it is the type of one our little family dreams of one day. I also love coming back to recipes you’ve shared etc. This city living has kind of taken away the “simple country” things I used to do. I really should put down the technology and do more crafting, cooking and more importantly having quality moments with my growing boy. Keep sharing what you love and care about … it is what makes your blog individual, because it is you.
Emma says
Thanks Anne – I love readers like you who are from the country but for whatever reason are currently not living on the land, I hope I give you a little dose of ‘home’ when you need it most!
anne@gritandgiggles says
You certainly do … and a dose of my dreams too. Oh, why does it have to be so hard to get your own little slice of land (okay so bigger that a slice, that’s what we have now, well actually maybe the last home was a slice … hmm maybe it was a crumb and now we have a slice and we want the whole darn cake… rambling much). I hope the haters take your advice and just stop following but we all know there are people out there who just can’t help themselves and have got to, for whatever reason, bring others down.
Emma says
Yes well don’t worry we’re still chasing that elusive slice/crumb/cake too. We don’t own any land/our house – it’s all an illusion, ha!
Reen says
I think you’ve realised what’s important and that will show in your blog. I’ve read all of your past blogs that I could find and love your style of writing, your photos, your perspective on things. Don’t lose that voice xx
Emma says
Thank you, yes that’s very important to me to not lose ‘that voice’ (as apparently it’s what sets me apart! Who knew?!) xxx