Over the weekend, this post from Beth’s archives rang like echoing bells clanging through my mind. Inevitably, it comes around again – the questioning, the disillusion, the wondering. We love what we do. We do. We have a love for the agricultural industry, which others not involved in farming possibly don’t understand. It is a huge part of us.
But…it would be easy to throw it all in. Go and get a ‘real job’. Work a 40 hour week. (Snort!) Buy our own home. Live closer to family. Actually see my husband. Not move every few years, searching, searching, searching for ‘home’.
Matt works hard. Really hard. He leaves before 7am, works all day often without stopping for lunch, and I’m pretty lucky if he’s in the farmhouse door before 7.30pm. It’s hard work. Relentless. Draining. He works most weekends and public holidays. All of this is fine, we don’t mind working hard, in fact we wouldn’t function any other way – but, at what cost? And for who? Working our own land and our own stock would be a different kettle of fish. I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at the hours Matt does if it were for us, but for somebody else we start to question. To wonder. What are we doing, where are we headed.
Buying our own land is beyond out of the question. So do we stay managing other people’s land? Do we look beyond the box? Start to think really creatively? Nine out of ten of Matt’s university friends with the same degree as him work off-farm. We don’t have to be on-farm to still be in the agricultural industry. Matt could work a ‘normal’ work week, be fulfilled and happy still being involved in farming. It’s the carrot that constantly dangles. The question always bouncing around in our mind.
And so we question. And wonder. And think. We want so much more for our life than what it is currently – we don’t want to be greedy, but I don’t think it’s that much to ask to see my husband occasionally, and to see him happy, to have a feeling of satisfaction in your vocation, to have autonomy and sense of worth and value. Is it? Happiness. Success. Failure. Satisfaction. All of it.
Round and round we go, on the hamster wheel…
Questioning. Wondering. Thinking.